Letter to a High School Me

Dear Self,

For starters, you definetly aren't the person you thought you were going to be. You aren't wealthy and super intelligent; ordering around the people who pick on you now. But you're gentler. That hard exterior is going to have to go, and it will. The masks you paint on to keep people from hurting you? Sorry. People will still be sinful, and you'll still get hurt, so go ahead and get used to showing the tender side underneath. And guess what? People actually like it. You'll turn into a big crybaby in a couple years, but people like knowing that you care passionately about others. There's no joy in hurting alone, or having a frozen heart (by the way, Disney is still awesome). God will provide. He won't let you down. Yes you're still going to feel lonely. In fact, the hurt and heartbreak that plagues you now will be a drop in the bucket compared to things coming. But know that you survive high school and college. 

You're 23 now, and the 20's aren't all you dreamed they'd be; theyre much different. It's a good thing God will show up and ruin your plans of world domination, because that's not who He made you to be. He made you to be gentle and nurturing. What are we going to do with that? Guess what? Still have no idea. Maybe there will be another letter to yourself in 10 years or so that describes God's sovereignty now, in the midst of complete chaos. But I trust that those God-given traits you tried to hide will be used for His glory somehow.

Looking back, you shouldn't have been so afraid to talk about Jesus with your friends. You're at a confusing point in life, and so are your peers. They only show you surface level, too. You'll wish you had prayed for them more.

Life won't get any easier. People make it out like everything falls into place during college but it doesn't. Friends that you're close to now will do exactly what you feared; slowly loose touch and move away. So just treasure your time know. The good news is God provides some pretty fantastic ones that are headed your way. No matter how much you wish time could stand still during happy, high points of your life, it doesn't. There's something bittersweet about learning to accept that.

You'll still have problems with your self-worth. And I know it's hard now to see that it is in Christ alone, but it is. The whispers of the enemy that say "Why would anyone invest their time in you? You are unwanted and unwantable." will still be there, but it will decrease and you'll just learn to fight it better. I wish you would see yourself the way others see you now. You're not the ugly, scrawny thing you thought you were. You are treasured by more people than you know. So cling to Christ. You'll be okay.

Until next time.